Adjustments.

Sparing the rod.

She stammered a lame excuse about the press launch, which she only told me 24 hours in advance to ask if I could attend, though she had already received the invitation a few days before. When I pointed out her obvious lapse in judgement, she immediately became defensive, and made the unfortunate slip of tongue that it was a 'personal' invitation.

It would have been well within my right and duty to put her in her place, and to correct her misconceptions about 'personal' favours and official business. A harsh reprimand would also have been a quick and efficient check on future lapses.

But I took a few seconds to consider her defensive stance, and decided that going on the offensive might not be, shall we say, the 'best' approach.

Nevermind that she would have happily used the incident as another instance that I was 'abusing my power'. She would still have told everyone so - even if I had chosen more neutral words. (And she did seek out a 'listening ear' right after.)

I did it for myself. It would have been so easy to let anger sweep me into the same maelstrom of fear and hatred that she is in (and doesn't seem to be getting out of, anytime soon). There are also more practical concerns - I just don't have enough time and energy to watch, worry and counter her every move, while more important (and less petty) priorities need my attention. I thought about how I had, for almost three years, conveniently and willingly given up shared ground and allowed her to take liberties that she now assumes to be her right. I know that it would not be easy to regain lost ground, and in playing this frustrating catch-up, it would be just as easy for me to overcompensate for my own previous lapse of judgement by 'abusing my power'.

So, I chose to set aside my anger while I corrected her misconception with some firm words, and then followed up with a 'clarification' to the event organiser.


Power is a lonely place to be.

I think that sometimes, people abuse their power not because of an innate greed. But as you climb the increasingly narrow steps of the corporate ladder, and your peers decrease in numbers, people will also distance themselves from you for various reasons. It can be easy then to turn to power to vindicate these 'rejections', and to fill the void.

I've spent so much time walking with my eyes on the ground that I've forgotten that it's just as important to look up to see where I'm going. I've become so comfortable with my 'old' peers that the sudden detachment threw me into a depression, even as I frantically tried to hold on to shreds of my 'old' life. I forgot that my REAL friends are out there, and they are still with me.

I'm letting go of my past to appreciate the new scenery.


Let's just be friends.

He tried to call me again today. I've decided to reject all advances after his recent 'baby talk' convinced me that any more dates would officially constitute as 'leading him on'. I guess the last outing (during which he spent a bit too much time gazing at my chest) was the 'last chance' that most guys 'deserve' to have; and for myself, there was still no special feelings for him.

Anyway, I don't understand why he finds it appropriate to call me when he's high or hung over.